Do you ever wonder

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xXTheBlackSheepXx's avatar
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I don't know how to phrase this, but, do you ever stop and look at your life and wonder "is this really the path I'm supposed to be on?" Not that there needs to be a 'path' necessarily, but sometimes it's easier to think that there might be a reason for existing, or that there's something you can do to make a difference in the world.

I think there's a point when people realize they have a talent for something; making stories, or art, or are good with mechanics or whatever. And then somewhere along the line they decide "I'm going to be the best writer/artist/engineer I can be" and they have this dream of writing a bestselling novel or building a rocket ship or saving someone's life. And they study and work hard to achieve that.

For me, it's been kind of impossible to figure out what I want to do. I've always had too many hobbies, and instead of focusing on one, I try to develop them all and end up getting nowhere lol. In high school, when I put my focus on music, I was performing and competing for years and was probably ranked one of the best in the state. I could have studied music, and continued to perform, but I took a different direction when I started college and worked harder on my art, cranking out a few hundred dollars worth of commissions while studying something completely different. Then when I moved on from college and started working in health care, I dropped both of those, focused just on work, and after a couple of months I've surprised myself in just how far I've come and how comfortable I am with such a challenging job. I've helped save lives, cared for those who are past saving, and I know that there is value in that.

But it kind of frustrates me how I can't figure out what I should be doing with my life. It's not as if I love music and writing and art anymore than I love working as a CNA or cooking or reading and that sort of thing. So picking one over the other is never satisfying. I'm constantly having to give up one thing in order to pursue something else.

Does anyone else have this problem? Is there something you feel like you should be doing with your life, but aren't? Do you have regrets about not pursuing something you enjoyed, or might have had a future in?

I feel so old omfg.

Just curious to hear about people's life stories, as always haha. Feel free to share.
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ArtsyPurplePanda's avatar
Thankfully I started getting involved in the stuff I was interested in this year, but last year I was having an existential crisis over that exact thought the last few months of the school year. Right now it's more of a regret of not getting involved with certain theater people sooner though.  A lot of them are seniors so while I can get involved in theater a little bit again, it just won't be the same. There are classes I can't take to pursue everything I want to now because I wasted a full credit on a class I had already taken, not knowing I wanted to try out a different class till now because of lack of involvement.  There are a lot of things I wish I had pursued, but there are some good things that happened because of the decisions I made, and with that in mind, I wouldn't want things to happen any other way.